


The Old Neighbourhood

by sceawere



Series: Kinzie-Kozic Verse [1]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Older Man/Younger Woman, Past Drug Use, References to Depression, and so these two happened, and want them to be happy, bc i love them, i had flu and could do nothing but lay in bed watching box sets and verse building, they both need to realise they love each other and say the rules are stupid, will likely be writing more for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 00:34:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sceawere/pseuds/sceawere
Summary: The thought prominent in his mind once more, the resurgence of its shadow in his vision, had him gripping the phone tighter. She’d said to call. I don’t care if you have to wake me up at 4am, I don’t give a fuck. You need me, you call.He never should have laid the heavy shit on her. She wasn’t his Old Lady. Wasn’t even his girlfriend.She was something. Something other than just Chib’s niece. Something other than the girl in mourning he’d brought back from Belfast with him, her brother’s ghost trailing behind the both of them.-Kozik has to do a run that takes him back to places he'd rather forget. That's where Kinzie Telford comes in.





	The Old Neighbourhood

Kozik tossed the phone between his hands, staring off at the flickering security light on a warehouse down the shitty back street he’d pulled into. He sighed, adjusting where he half leant/half sat on his bike. He stalled his motions, gripping the throwaway in one palm as he tried to order his thoughts.

He eyed his surroundings again, then let his head drop heavy against his chest and rolled his neck a few times, pulling tired muscles around each other. He opened his eyes and took another clear breath, having centred himself.

A list formed in his mind. His boots were dirty as shit. He needed to clean them. He’d left for the ride with the excuse of doing a convenience store run, so he had to actually stop at one on the way back. The adjustment he’d made on the back wheel clearly hadn’t worked because it was not handling how he wanted it to. He’d have to give it another look in the morning. If he made it through the night in any fit state, that is.

The thought prominent in his mind once more, the resurgence of its shadow in his vision, had him gripping the phone tighter. She’d said to call. _I don’t care if you have to wake me up at 4am, I don’t give a fuck. You need me, you call._

He never should have laid the heavy shit on her. She wasn’t his Old Lady. Wasn’t even his girlfriend.

She was something. Something other than just Chib’s niece. Something other than the girl in mourning he’d brought back from Belfast with him, her brother’s ghost trailing behind the both of them.

But officially? She was nothing to him. His brother’s family, that’s all. A friend, maybe.

They spent enough time together; sat out on the picnic tables in the warm sun as they ran down the day, shooting the shit as she lay out on the bonnet of whatever car he was under in the garage, late night chats round the boxing ring. He told himself he was just looking out for a brother’s family when he glared down the prospects eyeing her at clubhouse parties. Told himself he felt nothing when she sometimes jumped up to sit on the bar next to them.

He knew she was just being herself. Being the woman who’d talk to anyone, check in on everyone. He knew she was free to do what, and who, she wanted. He knew he had no right to be bothered by it.

But sometimes when he couldn’t find her at the end of the night, and that little flame of panic, of disappointment, flickered through his chest, he couldn’t tell himself quite so firmly that he was just looking out for her to be altruistic. She wasn’t his Old Lady. Wasn’t even his girlfriend. But when he walked out in the morning light and saw her pulling up in the shitty car (the one she’d insisted on buying herself rather than let Chib’s sort one out for her) instead of stumbling out of one of the rooms upstairs, he couldn’t convince himself there was nothing but platonic feelings there. Apparently, neither could the people around him.

-

_“Some girl from the studio said you only hang out with me because you want to fuck me” Kinzie let out in a continuous line of drunken babble, sprawled out onto the half wall behind the line of bikes._

_Kozik turned his head, eyeing her where she lay with her head beside his hip, wide eyes staring up at him. He snorted a laugh, lifting the beer bottle he’d been fiddling with and taking a long draw._

_“The girl from the studio is an idiot. What the hell you doing hanging out at the studio?” he shifted the focus. He frowned down at her, as she rolled her eyes, and sat up slowly. She’d been upside down to him, and kept her back to him for a moment as she eyed the clubhouse at the other end of the lot. She turned over her shoulder, before standing from the wall, almost tripping as she caught her foot. He swung out his hand, helping her regain balance, and guiding her to sit down on the other side of him. She snuggled up into his side, the warmth of the flannel he had on under his kutte a blessing on her bare arms._

_“I went to chill with Lyla one day. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but this place is a real bro-fest. Sometimes I need the company of someone other than middle aged bikers.”_

_“Hey, I’m not middle-aged.” He protested, grinning down at her as she tilted her head with disbelief clear on her face._

_“I mean…hey!” she called when he hooked her under his arm and jostled her. “Ok, fine, you’re in the prime of life!”_

_“Keep going.” He joked, and she landed her knuckles at his chest in a half-hearted swing of her arm. She let it drop lazily so it draped over his knee, and he shot a quick glance over to the clubhouse – making sure Chib’s was still inside – before he let it rest and tucked her closer under his arm. His hand trailed down the bare skin of her arm, thumb rubbing circles over it as they sat together in the fading light._

_“I said we just liked hanging out. That you were nice to me when I first got here and you know, I will still messed up over Paddy and that.  All the other guys were scared to treat me like a real person in case Uncle Chib’s took offense. You treated me like a person.” She paused for a few seconds of silence, and he let her gather her thoughts. “Anyway, I don’t think she realised I was Family until I explained that, and she kind of backtracked”_

_“Yeah, going after brother’s family, that’s not really…”_

_“So, you **do** want me! Oh, to be star-crossed. Our tragedy, Kozik!” she rolled her head back and gushed, and it was his turn to roll his eyes. She laughed, devolving into a tipsy giggling fit, and he regretted letting her get this drunk before removing her from the croweater egging her on. She settled down, tucking into his side once more._

_“You’re important to me, you know that?” she asked, voice small and sincere, head tucked against his patch as her fingers fiddled with a button on his shirt._

_“Yeah. You’re important to me, you know that?” he returned, hand trailing up and down her arm once more, and she nodded._

_“I don’t really want you hanging out at the studio anymore” he posed, and she lifted her head, staring straight into his eyes._

_“I don’t really want **you** hanging out at the studio ever” she replied, eyebrow raising at his continued silence “Yeah, thought so”_

_“Fair enough” he agreed._

_“Since when did you start moralising over me?” she asked, detaching herself from him, and raising. She carded her fingers through her hair, dusted off the back of her shorts. “Cos, I hate to break it to you, but there’s multiple layers between what you think I should do and what I end up doing”_

_“Yeah? What are they?” he asked, resting the bottle between his fingers, and swinging an arm around her as they walked back across the lot._

_“Firstly, it ain’t none of your business, boy.”_

_“I’m a boy now. Five minutes ago, I’m a grandfather.” He groused, and she knocked her hip into his._

_“Secondly, my family are fated to be dumb fuckers who manage to choose the stupidest choice nine times out of ten, so you’re only wasting your own time.”_

_He laughed along with her, her fingers looping through his at her shoulder._

_“And thirdly, you’re a decently high-ranking member of a motorcycle gang- “_

_“Club” he corrected._

_“-so, if you really think I’m taking safety and moral advice from you, pretty boy-”_

_“Now I’m a **pretty** boy, huh?”_

_-_

He never should have laid the heavy shit on her. She wasn’t his Old Lady. Wasn’t even his girlfriend.

He’d got too comfortable. Confused the line of his thought and reality. Woke up from one too many dreams where she already had his crow. And, of course, knocked back a bottle too many by the time he got to her door that night.

_“Kozik? Chib’s ain’t here, he’s already gone over to the clubhouse to prep for tomorrow”_

_“Yeah, I know. I actually, uh…” he tucked his hands into his back jeans pockets, rolling his bottom lip over as he stuttered over his decision. “I’m actually wondering if we could talk?”_

_She paused, hand still on the door, eyeing him carefully._

_“Yeah, sure” she replied, stepping aside, her voice already softening as she realised his agitated state._

_The door latched behind her, and she walked passed where he hovered in their entry way._

_“You want a drink? I can do you a coffee or- “_

_“Nah, I’m good.”_

_“Ok” she turned from the kitchen and went the other way, dropping down onto the couch. She waited as he followed, resting his elbow on his knees as he fidgeted with his rings._

_“Kozik, you’re worrying me. Is it about the run tomorrow?”_

_“Yeah. It’s about the run.”_

_“Is something going to happen?” she frowned._

_He tilted his head, watching her, before letting his head loll, staring at the carpet under his shoes._

_“I don’t know. That’s why I’m worried. Listen, I shouldn’t be…”_

_“Don’t pull the ‘sworn to secrecy’ bullshit on me after you turn up here and scare me shitless. Koz, come on” she argued, moving to sit on her legs right beside him._

_“It’s not club secrets. It’s mine.” He corrected, and she stalled. “The run we’re going on. It’s taking us back to…some old haunts of mine. Back when…I still used. Places I haven’t been since I got clean. Places I’ve been scared to go back to, in case I can’t stay clean.” He explained, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He knocked one set of knuckles into the other palm, and then swapped. Back and forth, back and forth, back and-_

_She lifted her hand to envelop his, gripping her fingers over his clenched fists._

_“Do you have to go?” she asked, her tone familiar. Matter of fact. Not scared, or disappointed, or disgusted. Not any of the things he’d imagined she might think. Just…asking the question. Getting the facts._

_“Yeah, we’re down on numbers this month.”_

_“Ok. Is Happy going too?” she continued, and he nodded._

_“Yeah.”_

_“I’m assuming your best bud and super bro knows about said pre-existing matter, yeah?” she teased lightly, and he managed a scoffing laugh._

_“Yeah, yeah he knows. He’s the one who locked me in a damn cabin and sat with me while I went cold turkey.”_

_“Oh, God. That sounds like the worst staycation ever. Right…” she trailed off, thinking, as he got brave enough to actually look up at her for longer than three straight seconds. Her thumb worked over his knuckles as she stared at the wall behind his head, working through options in her head._

_“Ok, so, Happy will be there. That’s good. He’s gonna be your immediate, you know, go to. Should shit arise.” She seemed to be comforting herself with the man’s presence._

_“Yeah, but if he’s babysitting me all weekend, that’s worse than me just not going. Then you got two men half out the game. They need us focused. Or at least they don’t need two of us unfocused.”_

_“He doesn’t have to babysit you. He just has to be aware and be ready. If you’re that concerned, you don’t go. They find someone else. Someone from another charter or something. That’s option number one._

_Option two is, you feel ready to go, but you’re careful. You start feeling, you know, old feelings creeping back, whatever, you tell Happy. You remove yourself from the situation. You can call me, alright? I don’t care if you have to wake me up at 4am, I don’t give a fuck. You need me, you call. And I can remind you of…I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. But I’ll try?”_

-

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

His nerve almost collapsed under him the longer it went on, and then it changed from urging him to hang up to urging him to find out why the hell she wasn’t answering and whether she was ok, and who the best person to ring to go check on her was and-

“Yellow?” her voice broke through.

“Kinzie?”

“Kozik? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, doll, it’s…no, it’s not ok. Why the fuck am…” he ran a hand over his face.

“Is everyone whole?” her voice was faster, but still hushed.

“Yeah, not, God, it’s not that. Nothing like that has happened. It’s just…it’s me. Remember when you said, when I said I was worried about coming back, and you said I should call if memories started getting a little too close?”

He heard a deep sigh as she settled, comforted in the knowledge that the shit hadn’t hit the fan, and someone wasn’t coming back to a service at a different kind of Church than the one in the clubhouse.

“Yeah, I remember” her voice was soothing as she almost cooed over him, and he realised how tired she sounded.

“It’s late, I’m so sorry.” He offered, and she hummed in rebuttal.

“Not too late if you need me. Besides Abel had a nightmare, and Thomas is teething, so we’re up watching Disney flicks until we’re ready to settle again” she explained.

“You busy? I can- “

“Kozik. I am here. If you honestly need me, don’t hang up. Ok. I’m not going anywhere. Really, I’m not going anywhere, because I currently have a very warm, very grizzly, very sleepy baby on me, so my mind is all yours as long as you can keep me conscious. Or until my bladder shouts surrender and I just wake the damn boy up to make it stop”.

“You watching the boys for Tara?” Kozik questioned, a lazy smile spreading across his face as he pictured her cosied up with the kids around her. Shit, when did he get so domestic?

“Yeah, she hates the quiet house. With Jax gone, she’s doing consults and I’m helping out in the evenings. There was some emergency thing at the hospital tonight, so I said I’d sleep over until they released her” She explained, cooing lightly as he heard rustles through the phone, followed swiftly by a tut. “Great, now he’s drooling all over my tits”

Kozik laughed, crossing one ankle over the other as he stretched his legs out in front of him.

“Living the dream, that little guy. I’m jealous.”

“Creep.” She shot back, the smile visible in her tone. She hummed before continuing. “Uncle Chibby hears you talking like that, he’ll have you running double shifts until I turn 55.”

“Doll, your uncle hears me talking like that, I’m not making it back, full stop. Never mind putting a perimeter around you.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think he has a soft spot for you.”

“Chibs?” he questioned, chuckling.

“Yeah. When I started keeping you company in the garage, he asked me a load of questions, gave me a talk. Couldn’t tell if he was trying to just understand what was happening or work out how best to make it happen. Did the whole ‘well, you’re a grown up and I can’t stop you, and Kozik is a lot better than half the guys round here you could have settled on’ shtick.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Believe it, baby. Chibs is sweet for you. You’re going to be getting the side-eye from Juicy, you keep muscling in on his Golden Boy status.”

“Yeah? And who’s your Golden Boy, huh?”

“Well, he’s just brought me a pint of ice-cream, so right now I got to say Abel’s running down the top spot”.

He laughed to himself, looking down each way in the alley.

“Cast aside for a toddler, yikes, I’m losing my game”

“Yeah, because toddlers are adorable, and you’re an old man who says things like ‘yikes’.” She teased.

“I can be adorable. And I’m not old.”

“Older than me, and I’m pretty old.” She argued, obviously spooning ice cream into her mouth.

“You’re like, 25”

“Exactly, that’s quarter life crisis age. I’ve got a vision board going. I’ve got to work out how I’m going to spend those panic points.” She scooped another chunk of ice cream.

“Well, I don’t recommend becoming a junkie, so trash that card right off.”

“Solid suggestion from the man on the phone. Ok, advice taken. Speaking of such events – you doing ok?” Her joking tone dropped out quicker than he could take another breath.

“Drove through the old neighbour before. It was like I never left. Scared me how easy the feeling just…” he trailed off, delving back into his thoughts as the silence stretched on.

“Kozik. _Hey, shh shh shh_ ” she whispered away from the phone as he assumed Thomas started grizzling. She was moving about now, he heard her settling Abel and then sliding the door closed behind her. “Listen, listen to me. You’re done with that, ok? And it’s always going to be part of your past. It’s always going to be a part of you. So, yeah, familiar feelings. But you have a whole other life now. And…

Listen, you know about…I told you about when my depression got real bad, right? After dad died? And, I went to see someone, because on my own, I felt like I was drowning. And it was good, we worked on a ton of shit, and I didn’t feel like I was drowning anymore. The waves didn’t go away, I just learned how to swim in them, and where the tides were. You learned how to swim a long time ago, and the waves are getting rough, but you keep swimming, ok? Sometimes your heads going to go under, that’s ok, as long as overall, you keep swimming”.

“Yeah.” He agreed, eyes watching the flickering light again.

“You think that was all bullshit?” she deadpanned, not offended, just sad it hadn’t helped.

“I don’t think it’s bullshit, doll.”

“Basically, it boils down to, just don’t do drugs tonight, ok? Pretty simple idea, overall” she joked, and he laughed.

“You know what, I think that did it.” He joked back, and she scoffed.

“You like pie?”

“Do I like pie?” he questioned, raising his head and frowning into the night’s sky.

“Yeah, pie. Apple pie. Rhubarb pie. Pies with various berries and such in them- “

“I like- “

“Don’t. Even.”

He grinned.

“Yeah, I guess I like pie. Who doesn’t like pie? Why do I need to like pie?”

“You don’t have to like pie, I just need to know whether or not you like pie. Because if you don’t like pie, I won’t bake you a pie. But if you like pie, then I will bake you a pie.” She explained. “What’s your favourite type of- don’t. What’s-honestly- what’s, Kozik.”

“I didn’t say a damn word, sweetheart.”

“I know you. I know you. Just…I’m making apple. Apple is a perennial favourite. Appropriate in many circumstances. Including as a ‘congrats on the non-relapse’ gift. I’m making you an apple pie.”

“You’re making me an apple pie to celebrate my continued non-junkie status?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re making it, or you’re going down to Chelsea’s and buying one?”

“Mmmm, depends. Listen, I’m going to put the boys down, and then I’ll call you right back ok? Abel’s out like a light on the couch, and Thomas is drool central”.

She checked he was ok three more times before she hung up, and he caught the texts on the screen behind the call.

_Pick up more smokes._

_If they’ve got any of those blueberry things, pick me up a pack._

_You get lost?_

_I need another pack of smokes._

Half the charter had put requests in, and he scoffed, settling on a smile when he got to the last one.

_You good, man? -H_

He shot back a reply to that one, got on the bike, and headed in the direction of a store he’d passed on his loops around town. Lit up on the corner when he pulled up, the throwaway buzzed in his pocket, and he made sure the bike was secure before flicking it open and throwing his shoulder into the door.

“All quiet on the home front.” She confirmed, sounding double tired.

“Go to bed, doll. I don’t want to keep you up.” He soothed as he made his way up and down the aisles, grabbing packs of snacks and shit on his way round.

“You’re up, I’m up.” She argued. She took a deep breath before she sang down the phone, “What ya’ doin’?”

“You checking up on me?”

“Yes, also I’m bored. I’ve had contact with no-one but toddlers all day, and now they’ve gone to sleep, and I’m just sat here. Pay attention to me, Kozik!” she whined, and he grinned.

“Thought you liked hanging out with people who weren’t decrepit old bikers?”

“I will take what I am given right now. Even from you.”

“Wow, we put a rain check on that, doll? You hang on three days and I will take that high praise right to- “

“I’m going to tell Uncle Chibs every fucking word from now on, so choose them carefully.”

He laughed, dropping things onto the counter in front of some bored teenager and pointing out a pack behind him, sliding the cash over as he rested the phone against his shoulder.

“I know you can’t tell me about your day but tell me about your day? Leave out anything that involves playdough, or I’m gonna be the one having flashbacks” she asked, obviously snuggling down.

He took the bag, adjusted the phone, and went out to rest against the wall, watching traffic. He recognised this place now. Didn’t used to be the store here. The house over there was new. They’d widened the intersection. The old neighbourhood had changed after all. It’d been a long time since he’d been back. Long fucking time.

“I gotta tell you what Tig did today, doll, Jesus Christ.” He grinned, resting the bag on the bike, and leaning back against the wall with his free hand shoved into his hoodie pocket. “We get to this warehouse, for a meet- “

-


End file.
